Thursday, 15 May 2008

The Missing Mile In Mini-Minneapolis

Minneapolis is a very pretty and small city with nice architecture, beautiful green spaces, an abundance of coffee shops and the biggest mall in the world (I kid you not - this place really does have the biggest mall in the world - They're so proud!). The only one, slight problem with Minneapolis is ................ There's sod all to do. Seriously, nada.

The first morning we set out to walk the city with our "must see sights" list taken directly from the Rough Guide.

Fact – The author of this Rough Guide (9th Ed) has never been to Minneapolis!

We went out to find the much touted “Mississippi Mile”. The Rough Guide describes the Mississippi Mile as “a great place to walk along the river with it’s impressive falls and numerous bars / restaurants for dinning and entertaining”.

It’s lies I tell you …………. LIES!!!

The Mississippi Mile is a tow path. The Mississippi Mile has zero bars and / or restaurants and I’ve seen more impressive waterfalls in the urinal of a men’s toilet (god – I’m so eloquent I could write for the Rough Guide – At least it’d be accurate!).

In sheer desperation for something to do we found ourselves in a games arcade, J’s numerous protests ceased on seeing “House Of The Dead (4)” picking up the pump action shotgun quicker than you can say Zombies (see photo below for the crazed zombie killer look!). We did obviously play numerous other games …… All I’ll say is that pool is my domain - Apparently Air Hockey is Janine’s.

The only person there enjoying the Zombie killing more that Mrs Smith was a 3 year old child being taught one of the basics of American life – How to shoot a minimum of 40 people per minute (again see photo – These people really exist!).

To carry on our “lets act like American Teenagers” phase we just had to go hang out in The Mall Of America. What can I say – It’s a mall …. it’s big …. In fact it’s very big.…. And it’s in America.

Even though we were in a nice hotel (The Grand) and pressing a button made a man appear at the door with sandwiches (god I love that button!), you'll be pleased to know that the traveller spirit has remained intact. Breakfast was provided by Goldman Sachs who occupied the meeting room across the hall, we snuck out of our room at 8am to steal their bagels and muffins. In addition the only time we drank in the hotel bar was "Free Cheese & Wine Hour" - Although on our request for a 4th glass of wine the waitress did get a little shirty. Damn cheapskates!

And that pretty much sums up our time in Minneapolis. We’re now preparing for a 38 hour train ride across the top of America … That’s right folks … you heard it here first …. 38 hours on a train. Oh god.

1 comment:

neil said...

I had forgotten about the Mall of America, yep you've summed it up.

My vague recollections of Minneapolis/StPaul (not sure which bit we were actually in) were quite good. I think there was some sort of carnival/street fair when we were there. And as I said in the Memphis post, some good music - I have vague recollections of EagleEye Cherry and Prince's band (without Prince) or something like that.