A Fat Russell Crowe & Some Places To Avoid

In May 2008 we wrote a quick top 5 places we'd like to live, perhaps influenced by recency - hence lots of USA placements. The list was -

New York
Chicago
Athens GA
Sydney
Christchurch

Continuing in High Fidelity style, here are October 2008 top 5 places we'd like to live ...(in no particular order!):

New York
San Francisco
Auckland
Athens GA
Rarotonga

Note: We really are loving living in New Zealand!!!

Also, here are our top 5 places not to live - (October 08)

1)Iraq - Pretty obvious, insurgents shooting at USA troops, USA troops shooting at anyone, no facilities, a government that doesn't work and screwed infrastructure. Mission accomplished!

2) Iran - Oh come on, we all know what's coming.

3) In any home with an Icelandic Bank mortgage.

4) Zimbabwe - Inflation running at 231000000% and 90%+ unemployment. Oh, and no particular love of "the white man".

5) Eastbourne - So full of old people it looks like a scene from Cocoon (possibly a bit harsh on Eastbourne but I've made the font small so it's unlikely anyone there will be able to read the blog)

A few more bit and pieces to report:

We watched "Body of Lies" last night which we both agreed was superb (not often that happens!). It ticked all the right boxes - political, spy-orientated thriller, with a hint of underplayed romance, cultural incompatibility and extremely good acting. And if you ever wondered what Russell Crowe would look like if he morphed into the fat Marlon Brando, see this film!

The honeymoon continues - We've booked our first New Zealand trip, to Waiheke Island for Labour day (a public holiday at the end of October.) Sun, sand and vineyards - what more could you ask for from a holiday?

A Missing Stair-Gate & A Country With No Talent

The biggest news from our last couple of weeks has been saying goodbye to "The Hird Of Hirds" (Mark & Jen + Euan & Callum). They departed these shores last Sunday to move their life back to to the UK. Having had them live with us for two weeks it felt very strange to walk up-stairs to our lounge and not have to negotiate the child safety stair-gate. Hirds - We still miss you all!

Our routine continues pretty much as normal, work M-F, drinks on Friday night and then watching pre-recorded Premiership football on Sunday mornings. It'd be great if I could just manage to correct that M-F bit.

In regards to work - J has settled into her office job. She's a "Policy Administrator", she has her own desk / own e-mail and at this point AIG is still afloat - it's all good!

My work is somewhat up in the air - major changes in the HR department mean I'm saying goodbye to my "Solutions Consultant" job title - and hello to my new job title of "HR Consultant". It's a sad day - I was quite proud of such a meaningless title - It was only second to Gav Nunns who once presented me with his business card noting him as a "Knowledge Engineer". Nice.

Terrestrial TV over here is currently showing "New Zealand's Got Talent" This may be a shock to you but - FYI: New Zealand has NO talent. The acts range from a bartender pouring cocktails to a poor mans Gaelic jig band who note they are inspired by Scottish Gaelic bands - eh - isn't it the Irish jig?

The other thing that's running on TV over here is a series of anti-drink driving tv adverts. I've linked one to the blog - They do call it as they see it over here! Note: they did have one featuring a female drink driving, obviously it ended badly and was capped by the phrase - "if you drink and drive - your a stupid bit@h". They drew the line at this one, it never made the airwaves.

We think our favourite local barman is in fact an alcoholic! Last Friday we were feeling a Little antisocial and decided to go to a different bar after work (not our local - Tabac). Sitting down and enjoying a Corona we were surprised to see our barman friend stroll up to the bar in his work attire, order a vodka shot - hammer it in one and then walk out the door. Being inquisitive we decided to follow him - guess where he went - Tabac. He was at the start of a 8 hour shift. Hardcore (and possibly in need of help)!! Perhaps finding friends outside of bars/pubs is the way
forward!

We'll soon have visitors - We'll be saying hello to Emma (a friend of J's) in October shortly followed by a visit from Rob & Bernie in November. It'll be great to see some friendly faces. We've got plenty of room so if your reading this how about NZ as your next holiday destination - free accommodation!!!

Finally, we're planning to learn to drive early in the new year. That's right folks at the age of 30 I've decided it's time to get mobile!

Domestic Mayhem & AIG

Well it's been quite a month.

I guess anyone that knows myself or Janine will know that we flew back to the UK on the sad news that Malcolm had passed away. We'll never forget the support from our friends & family - Thank you all, we couldn't have got through it without you.

You may be interested to know that J has now got a permanent job in the CBD. She's working for American Insurance Group (AIG). Heard of them? .... If you've watched the news over the past month you should have ...

What a choice of company - on the plus side, an office job that means a 9-5, no weekends & a daily opportunity to wear nice shoes .... there are however a few downsides:

- William Hill have stopped offering odds on the company going bust.
- They are currently being investigated by the FBI
- This one concerns me the most ................. They sponsor .... I'm struggling with this ................ they sponsor... Manchester United FC!

Anyway, J has just survived day three and they've even paid her in advance - considering they're potentially going bust, quite a nice gesture!

We also have some housemates .....

Jennifer & Mark Hird, 2.5 children and two fish have moved in with us! Going from a quiet life with zero children to happy mayhem has been an unexpected pleasure! There is also the added bonus of a full pantry and someone as competitive as The Bad Man who enjoys playing on the Wii (note this is Mark not one of the kids).

As an example of Mark's competitive streak ... Whist writing this Mark has just confessed to once being challenged to fit 5 Cadbury's cream eggs into his mouth at one time (note - not by me), accepting the challenge he reaching a grand total of 4. Anyone care to challenge? Bad Man?

On popular request we've added on some video clips of where we live - feel free to browse from the menu on the left hand side of this page. Note the weather on the video clips - It's Winter and we hit 20 degree C!

Anyway, we will endeavour to keep the blog updated - please keep voting on the polls - it tells us people are reading!

We live in Hobbiton

It's true - we have moved to what can only be described as "Hobbiton"! No, it's not due to being surrounded by small people with hairy feet (although there are a few) more that ...

- Everyone is super friendly - Bus stop conversations actually happen.

- The biggest news is "Cat Up Tree" type stuff, see (from the main NZ paper):
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10528004

- They just don't care - Eg: "Boobs on Bikes", see:
http://www.livenews.com.au/Articles/2008/08/20/Boobs_on_Bikes_draws_a_mixed_crowd

- At the Olympics New Zealand being slightly more successful than Tonga is a major success.

- The commute from home to work is 25 mins and does not include any of the following:

1) Waiting for a late train or buses
2) Having to stand on said late train or bus.
3) Having to stand on said late train or bus and being forced into a randoms armpit.
4) Having to stand on said late train or bus, being forced into a random's armpit and being subjected to beggars / druggies.

- The Kiwi's stay away from global politics. Seriously try and find something recent on the BBC regarding New Zealand that isn't something to do with a) the Olympics b) Rugby or c) Storms. Go on try, there's nothing!

Other big news - At least for myself and Mrs Smith is .... Lazy (our local bar in London) has closed! Now for many of you this will mean nothing, but for us it's really sad news! For those of you that know what life for us was like in London (noisy neighbours etc) you'll appreciate that for over a year Lazy was like a 2nd home! We're not really sure what happened - Personally I'm going for it closing down due to the fact that a major revenue stream moved to New Zealand. Actually, if the rumour mill is correct, the landowner put up the ground rent to such a point they couldn't operate a business and make a profit. The person who owns the land will demolish the building and put up flats - therefore making a tidy penny I'm sure. God bless you Lazy - gone but not forgotten.

Aside from getting into the work routine there's probably little else to tell you. Only that we went Kayaking in the sea last weekend. Note to self: The sea in winter is very, very cold - Do not repeat.

Christmas is now certain - Obviously not "Christmas" which is always certain, but rather us coming back to the UK for Christmas. December 22nd until early Jan. Be warned - presents will be pretty standard this year - Fake hobbit feet for one and all!

Oh ... a couple of new photo's have also been added, scroll down to view.

It's Life Jim ...

Life in New Zealand (ie two weeks of life in New Zealand) is looking good. My job is now no longer completely alien and the 25 minute door to door commute is pretty special. J is enjoying the luxury of trying to find the job she really wants and may get a part time job to keep her in shoes.

We've had our first cyclone over here. A pretty crazy topical storm that meant we were completely housebound for 2 days - Nothing to do with ploughing through Series 5 of 24 on DVD, honest. :0)

Onto the more important news ... We've found a local!! It's not Mission Bay (close to us) but rather in the centre of Auckland. Small, virtually unmarked back street bar called Tabac (google it!).

We're on a friend hunt over here - don't worry no-one is being replaced. Although I should note that I'm quite shallow and in the past have found friendship closely linked to big fat presents arriving through the post! Applications to: 20A Rukutai Street, Orakei, Auckland 1071.

Final bit of news - it looks like we'll be heading back to England in December, just for a few weeks. It'll be great to catch up with everyone!

Keep us up to date with your news:

andrewsmith1@hotmail.com
jharrison103@yahoo.co.uk

or add comments to the blog.


ps: If you check the links on this page the Aqua Pacific advert "orr .. I've had a bit", (just classic) features the police woman who took me on my driving test in Rarotonga. Small world - or small island more accurately.

Nesting in New Zealand

When we arrived in Auckland 7 days ago we were homeless & jobless. This situation has now been remedied!

We have rented a beautiful 3 bedroom housed in Mission Bay 10 mins walk from the beach and a 20 minute bus ride from downtown. It's also 20 mins walk from some close friends (Mark & Jen Hird) who have made our transition to New Zealand really smooth. If you're reading this Mark / Jen - Thanks, we simply couldn't have done it without you!

I've also found work which will no doubt be a massive shock to the system! I have gained employment with the Bank Of New Zealand as a "Solutions Consultant"!

J is currently trying to set herself up as a music journalist so watch this space for NME's next big thing!

We are currently running a book on who's going to be the first person to come out and see us in New Zealand. Odds are currently running as follows:

9/4 - Rob / Bernie
3/1 - Matt / Lucy
4/1 - Beaker / Flo
6/1 - My Mum /Malc
7/1 - Bex
8/1 - Tom Threlfall
10/1 - J's Brother Al
12/1 - J's Sister Suzy / Neil
15/1 - Jim and Sarah
18/1 - J's Mum / Dad
19/1 - Beckie Jennings
20/1 - Anna Walsh
21/1 - G-Ham
22/1 - Gavin / Lesley Nunns
23/1 - Jane Skelton
24/1 - Nicola Lipson / Gary
32/1 - One of my Brothers (x3)
33/1 - Mathew / Ami Pickering
40/1 - Dave /Sarah Bowles
290/1 - Catherine Budd ... Are you still alive?

(Note: This has no bearing on who we want to come and see us!!!!!!)

5 quid minimum bet and you can't back yourself - Remember ... "It matters more when there's money on it"!

Don't forget to vote ... new poll now up and running.....

Blimey it's cold!

Cook Islands = 30 degrees (min)
New Zealand = 10 degrees (max)

We're cold - brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

After an amazing month in the Cook Islands, we finally had to leave as there was a strong possiblity we might stay there for ever! We are now in New Zealand and have started to assimilate back into the real world, looking for jobs and somewhere to live. Boo!

We flew into Auckland but in an effort to delay the inevitable & extend the honeymoon (not sure when we stop calling it a honeymoon?!) we headed down to Christchurch to stay with Hoppy & Michelle for a few days. Having almost drunk / eaten them out of house & home, it's soon time to leave! Next week involves interviews for Andy in Auckland and an effort to become slightly less homeless.

Life's A Beach

Apologies for the lack of blog updates, as expected our time in the Cook Islands has been uneventful – Exactly as we wanted. Life quite literally is a beach.

How to create a simple life. Be on an island:-

• That’s 20 miles by 20 miles wide.
• Where the only bus routes are Clockwise & Anti Clockwise.
• That has nothing but “bounty beaches”.
• That has super friendly inhabitants.
• Where the only supermarket on the island has full shelves once a week when the cargo boat lands.
• Where everything closes on a Sunday, except the Churches & the Pubs (Hic! Amen.)
• Where you’ll never hear the annoying ring of a mobile phone – there aren’t any.
• Where petrol prices only change once every 3 months when a new shipment is delivered.
• Where the TV has only one channel but still manages to show Euro 2008!
• Where there are only two main roads. One “ocean circular road” one “inland circular road”.
• Where, even though restaurants aren’t abundant there is an Italian serving pizza (note: J’s a happy girl!).

Now I know I’ve got to be careful here; if you’re reading this and you’re not one of the “lucky retired” then you’ll probably have had, or are currently having (naughty internet use!) a day at work, the last thing you want to hear is about life in the sun. I’ll keep it short, it’s been a wonderful few weeks and the perfect answer to the excess of America. There – Done. That wasn’t so bad was it.

I should also mention we did meet our meet our first chavs - The lesser spotted Kiwi Chav. Our experience of Kiwi Chavs is based on a bus journey where we had the misfortune to be directly in front of them. The description is as follows:

- Drunk at 7am …. That’s right seven in the AM!!!
- Not afraid of giving the wife a good open handed “love tap” in public.
- Whistling at their children like dogs to get their attention.
- Peppering their sentences with swear words that’d make Roy Chubby Brown proud.
- A wife that is over 40 and dressing like a 14 year old.
- Two uncontrollable children whom the parents had no inclination or ability to control.

Ps: Life is amazing – Golden beaches, temperatures never below 20 degrees, drinks at mid-day (why not), lying in every day, sunshine each day, wonderful tans, great food and great company. Sorry – couldn’t resist.

Lost With A Scooter

We have spent the few days here whizzing around the Island on a scooter (Andy passed his scooter driving test out here – no doors to close!), swimming in the sea and cooking for ourselves. The greatest joy for me on the 1st day, after doing a bit of shopping was getting back to the flat and making myself a cheese sandwich - just cheese in bread - (if you’ve travelled through America, you’ll understand, simplicity in food is not their forte!). Enough of my self-imposed food issues – We are in paradise now!

Rarotonga itself resembles the island in Lost, with a big ominous volcanic rock at the centre, an impenetrable rainforest surrounding it, and a beautiful sandy beach (And probably the same amount of people living on it too!) Note: no black mist or polar bears to date.

Anyway, it’s been cloudy since we’ve arrived but still hot (25+), and the sea is perfect for swimming in. Andy swam out to the reef yesterday, and saw fish. I read a book on the beach and watched sand crabs scuttle about. I believe this is how our month will be spent. Happy Times!

Needless to say, we probably won’t be updating the blog too often over the next month – but keep leaving comments as it’s nice to know you still remember us (though once Andy’s beard is fully grown you may not recognise him).

Janine

The Eating Of Squirrels

I must admit, I’m a little concerned that my friends and family consider to be a “squirrel eater”. It wasn’t even close (nine votes – you know who you are!) …. Is it something I’ve said, do I have a strange reaction that I don’t know about when I’m in the company of squirrels? Please enlighten me.

The correct answer to the poll was in fact – Option D (Janine has eaten more veggie burgers than pizza in America). I kid you not – It surprised me as well for the girl we all know to be something of a pizza addict but the veggie burger v pizza score came in at an astounding (12/6).

Thanks again for voting – I’m off to see if I can fulfill my apparent destiny, watch out squirrels.

Will the one person that did in fact get the answer correct please come forward to collect your prize.

Hippies’, Hot Stuff & Some Rather Impressive Hills

Having done our research as clever little travelers, by reading the Rough Guide, we knew San Fran had no train stop, so we booked our ticket to go to the nearest station – Oakland. The Rough Guide explicitly says Oakland is the ONLY connection to San Fran, whereas the nearest town, Emeryville, has NO transport at all. Just try to imagine the surprise of two travelers fast asleep in their bunks, hearing over the intercom that “If you’re travelling on to San Fran get off right now in, you’re at Emeryville – the ONLY connection to San Fran!” ….. We’re talking some very quick dressing (t-shirt inside etc etc) and a super quick exit from the Amtrak. Thanks once again Rough Guide!

We have now spent 5 very enjoyable nights in San Francisco. Great weather in a beautiful city with lots to see / do and lots of great places to eat / drink. The only one downside we found was the hills – They really are something special (see photo below). This meant a five minute walk from A – B became either a 2 minute journey (down) or a 20 minute journey (up). We now have extremely strong legs!

Now we’re getting towards the end of the USA experience I should note that it’s been an interesting cultural experience. Rather than talk about the difference is politics, poverty levels or socio-economic demographics I’ll say this ……. American restaurants just can’t spice their food (Hot Chicken Wings in Athens as the exception)! Now I’m not a “Vindaloo Boy” and never go crazy but English restaurants do know how to prepare a spicy dish. This was my firm believe when I arrived in San Fran and on eating another curry (note: given my boredom to date I did ask for something hot) another mild, mild, mild dish …. Then ………………………... Has anyone heard of Birds Eye Chilies’? ... Apparently the preparation of choice in San Fran is not to disseminate the spice over a whole dish, simply to throw kill-you-hot chilies into the food. It’s was J saying “are you Ok – you’ve gone very very red” that gave it away - Not to mention the fact that I thought I’d eaten a hot lump of coal!

It’s a popular belief in England that we have the “most surveyed country” (eg CCTV cameras) but I swear the yanks have us licked. I grant, you can’t see CCTV in every town centre, however when you see a sign on a bus saying “we are currently recording your picture (nothing new there) ……. “and your voice” you do start to think that society is being monitored closely over here. Do I feel safer for being monitored “no” … have I remained silent on local bus journeys “yes”.

As we had 5 nights in San Fran we went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. Aparently, to make an good / solid Indiana Jones film, the recipe is as follows:

- One portion of Eastern European bad guys (who can’t aim for love nor money)
- Two portions of rather angry natives (again see comment above for aiming skills)
- A heaped teaspoon of a greedy friend, who Indy just can’t quite save
- One portion of handsome man, preferably Harrison Ford (note if your HF is past its best, a fresher, younger HF substitute can be used)
- Three portions of rather elaborate ancient doors and booby traps
- One snake (obviously)
- More than a hint of nasty insect
- A dash of power mad villain
- Finally, top off with a nice clean Black and White plot – Morality is clear people!

Haight Ashbury is the Hippy part of San Fran, lots of tie-dye and incense burners. It has a bounty of vintage shops and something called “Amoeba Records”.
On entering Amoeba Records I honestly thought I’d lost my wife – It was the strange vacant glint in her eye, the slightly open mouthed expression and then fact that she almost sprinted into the music section. I should explain that Amoeba Records is an IKEA size store containing nothing but music and film. Folks, if you have a muso as a wife, expect to lose her, and a large portion of cash if you ever visit this establishment. (Note: Mum, more vinyl on the way home!).

Top 3 tourist things we did in San Fran:
1) Alcatraz – Excellent audio tour of the prison, smelt of bird poo.
2) Napa / Sonoma Valley Wine Tour – Beautiful countryside - Hic.
3) Went to the Golden Gate bridge (for those of you that don’t know this – J has a fascination with bridges – odd but true!)

New stop LA then the Cooks Islands!